la vie en rose

Today is the 10 year anniversary of the shootings at Columbine. I think that this event had more of an impact on me than even September 11th because when it happened, I was 16 years old. It could have just as easily been my high school. It could have been me.

Those images of the students fleeing the campus, of the people crying and of the kids jumping out of the windows are burned in my mind. I remember exactly where I was when we all heard what was happening.

It was a half day of school on April 20th, for whatever reason. It was a really warm morning - a nice Spokane springtime. I was wearing a navy and yellow striped shirt and flip flops, for what it matters. Half days were always really laid back - I'm sure I only went to my first class and then just hung out. Lots of people were congregating in the cafeteria and all the TV's were on. Most of the time someone would change the station to cartoons or MTV or Comedy Central, but today they were all on CNN. I walked into the cafeteria and everyone was really quiet. It didn't take long to figure out what was going on. I remember just standing there, looking up at the monitor. It was terrifying. I remember seeing the boy dangling from the shattered window, bloody and completely helpless. They couldn't find the shooters and outside was completely chaotic. They didn't know where all the bombs were. They didn't know how many victims there were.

Once I got home from school I laid on my parents' bed and kept watching the news. For some reason the idea that a teacher was killed trying to help his students made me the most sad. Once more knowledge got out about the shooters I thought of the time I saw a bunch of seniors push a disabled kid and he dropped all of his books. No one helped him pick them up. I thought, "Is that all it takes to push someone over the edge?"

School was different after that. We added mass shooting drills to the usual fire and earthquake. Doors had to stay shut during class time with their windows covered. We learned where in each classroom to hide so that we wouldn't be visible from the outside windows. We debated whether or not violent video games were the cause or the outlet of homicidal rage and whether black trench coats meant anything. We debated gun safety and accessibility laws.

I heard that the new Columbine High School is closed today and they're holding a memorial. I think about those 12 students that were killed that day 10 years ago. They would be college graduates by now, maybe married, maybe with families. I think about the teacher, who was a husband and a father. I think about the 2 killers, 2 kids who have spawned countless imitators (1 that I know of that followed through at Virginia Tech). I think of the girls who were in my YW who are in high school now. They don't even remember Columbine. They just know what it's like to live with its legacy.