la vie en rose

It was exactly 1 week ago that Evey came into the world, 21 hours after it all started. Hard to believe.

On Monday afternoon J came home from work with flowers, some brie, and some really good limeade, just because. I wanted to treat him back, so after our appointment with the midwives (where we learned I was dilated to 2cm) we stopped at the food court at H Mart and had some pho and gyoza and then grabbed some Beard Papas cream puffs, which they sell in Hawaii. It was all delicious. I watched Antiques Roadshow at home that night and went to bed around 10pm. I hadn't really fallen into a deep sleep when my water broke at 11pm. I thought maybe I had just peed a little, but as soon as I stood up, I knew what had just happened. I woke up J and we called the midwives - Val was on call. She said that my contractions may start soon, but if not, she would call me back around 10 the next morning to check in. We were supposed to get some rest.

The contractions started at 11:30pm. By 1am they were 4 minutes apart. We called my parents to have them start driving over to Seattle.

Labor is hard (duh), but I was handling it well. J would sit behind me on the bed and I would follow his breathing, or if I needed to stand he would let me rest my arms over his shoulders and carry my weight. Frankie came and cuddled up next for me through 2 contractions, just purring and nuzzling his head into my hair. I kneaded my squishy pillow into even more squishiness and found a good focus point in a picture of us sitting on the beach in Hawaii.

By 5am it was apparent that it was time to head over to the birth center. We packed up the food and I grabbed my squishy pillow and the picture from Hawaii. I went downstairs as J loaded up the car and swayed through each contraction, holding on to the couch. At that point I threw up, which sucked, because it broke my 8 year streak. And so much for the 4 pieces of toast and banana I had just eaten. With the car running, J ran back up the steps and started to help me down to the car when he realized that it was locked.

They say that between each contraction you feel no pain, but that when you're in active labor you lose your sense of humor. I couldn't stop laughing about the keys being locked in the car, and then a contraction would come and I would focus on that, and then I would start laughing again. J ran out onto the deck, where we keep our tools, looking for something to get into the car with. He stepped in cat poop, which made me laugh even harder. J was not amused.

Our choices were to either break a window or call a locksmith. J called a locksmith, who promptly arrived a half an hour later. The jerk wanted to charge us $170! I could hear J outside talking with the man. J never yells, but this was as close to yelling as he has ever gotten. He said, "My wife is in labor. It took you half and hour to even get here. I will just break the damn window myself with a hammer." So he came back inside and got a hammer. The locksmith quickly realized that you have to negotiate with a man holding a hammer whose wife is in labor, so he said he would charge us $75. All the while I'm inside, moaning my way through contractions that are getting stronger and stronger.

I don't remember the ride to the birth center; I just remember clutching that photo of us in Hawaii. We arrived at 6am and the room was ready - there were some candles lit, all of the places that I could choose to labor in/on were ready, and the tub was filled up. I started off in the tub and it felt wonderful. I couldn't believe I was really there and actually doing it, actually about to have a baby. My parents finally arrived and my mom came in to help out. Things were clipping along marvelously and I heard Val tell my mom that we should be having a baby by lunchtime. I was dilated to 7cm and completely effaced, and the baby was in the right position, ready to go. I was feeling urges to push and Abigail (the fantastically calm and lovely midwifery student there to help) said to just go with it.

Who knows which came 1st - the puking or the back labor. Suddenly the contractions were becoming too much to bear and I couldn't even focus on the picture of us in Hawaii anymore. I kept saying over and over, "I can't do this" and everyone would reply, "You can do this, you are doing this." And I kept thinking, "If this gets any worse, I really won't be able to do this." I found out later that J had forgotten our code phrase in case it really did become too much for me to bear, but honestly I don't know if I would have remembered it at the time either! (It was, "I need a Dr. Pepper.")

At 10am Val realized that I was back down to 6cm and the baby had turned face forward (hence the back labor) and had floated up out of the birth canal. She gave me some homeopathic stuff to suck on and had me lay on my side on the bed to try and use gravity to get Evey to turn around again. I laid there for 2 hours hooked up to an IV, trying to replenish my energy. At noon, when nothing had changed, she presented me with my options. I could keep trying, or I could go to Evergreen Hospital and have an epidural and Pitocin to get things back on track. Nothing sounded as nice as an epidural at that point. Back labor is the most excruciating thing I have ever experienced. There's no way to describe it, other than that the pain grips around your entire body like you're being squeezed in a vice from the inside out. I threw up again. 13 hours after it all began I was on my way to the hospital and away from the beautiful, drug free birth I had imagined and hoped for.

Outside in the birth center parking lot I saw the wife of the chiropractor that I've gone to before. She just stared at me - me all sweaty, moaning, wobbly, exhausted, and with throw up on my skirt. We checked in to the hospital where I could barely sign the forms and hold my wrist out for my ID bracelets. I had left the picture of us in Hawaii at the birth center. I was led to my room where they had me lay on the bed. Dr. Pheifer came in and while he and Val discussed what was going on, I had to lay on that bed. I was screaming in pain, but I couldn't move. Others were lighthearted and cracking jokes about something, and I had a death grip on J's hand, writhing in pain. I hadn't eaten since the night before and had thrown up what I had been able to eat. Our kind nurse Kim brought me 2 containers of Jell-O, since I wouldn't be able to eat until the next day because of the epidural. I sucked those down and waited for the sweet, sweet relief of the epidural.

Do you know how hard it is to sit on the edge of the bed perfectly still while the anethesiologist puts a needle in your spine? I had 2 contractions sitting there. Once it kicked in and everyone but Kim the nurse and J were in the room, J came over to me with tears in his eyes. He held my hand and we just looked at each other for a minute. I knew I had to be strong for him.

We slept off and on for the next couple hours, waiting for the drugs to work the magic that nature couldn't. They waited to turn on the Pitocin until it was obvious that just time wasn't going to work. At 4pm Dr. Pheifer came back in and told me my only option left was a c-section and that it would be happening in 15 minutes. !!! That's a lot to take in. I asked him if I could call Val, who had only recently left my side (she went above and beyond what she needed to do - really the midwives say they're only stay until you get checked in, but she stayed for a couple hours). She said that she trusted Dr. Pheifer, but that I should get my nurse's opinion. I asked Kim what she thought and she said that since the baby wasn't in distress and that since it would give me peace of mind to know that everything had been tried before we resorted to a c-section, that we should wait. I agreed, so she went out and advocated my position to Dr. Pheifer. She said that he was upset with her, but he came into my room and said that if that was what I wanted, then we could give the Pitocin 2 more hours. J gave me an amazing blessing that we would be in tune with what needed to happen and that we would be at peace.

So we waited for 2 more hours.

During that time I knew that Evey wasn't going to come out the way that we all wanted her to. Something was wrong and she needed to come into this world via c-section. I felt peace.

At 6pm Dr. Pheifer told us that nothing had changed, that I was still at 6cm, that the baby was still face up, and that she was still floating at -2 in the birth canal. Despite having regular contractions coming almost 2 minutes apart for the last 2 hours, nothing had changed and something should have. We were now risking putting her in distress if we did nothing. I told him that Val had said that I was in good hands with him and that I trusted him. I thanked him for being patient with me as I came to grips with what needed to happen, but that I was ready.

Due to another baby being in actual distress my c-section was postponed until around 8:15pm. J and I got ready and they wheeled me in to the OR. I was shaking. They put the sheet up and what happened next was so surreal - I could feel tugging and pulling and hear noises and you can't help but imagine what's happening and J kept saying, "Look at me, don't think about what they're doing, just look at me." And then at 8:35pm Evey was born, face up into the world.