la vie en rose

The best gift I received at my baby shower was my blessing dress from my mom.  My grandmother made it for me, and I am so happy to have it now for my daughter.  I cried a little when I opened the box and saw the cream-colored crocheted dress and blanket.  Not because I had thought that I wouldn't eventually get this dress for my daughters, but it was a nice surprise to see it.

I never knew my mother's parents and my father's parents died when I was about 13.  I still remember when we got the phone call that my grandpa had passed away - it was late and we were all sitting in the dining room in our house in Lehi.  My grandma died 6 months and a day later.  It was at that point that my dad started calling his parents Ma and Pa in front of me.  It had always been Grandma and Grandpa before that.  

I hadn't really been especially close with my grandparents.  They lived several hours away in Seaside, Oregon, and when we did go to visit, it was uncomfortable because they smoked heavily and none of us were used to being around that.  Still, I remember they had this wall of photos in their trailer and I would just stand there and stare at them, my grandparents in their younger days.  There was one of my grandma sitting on a beach - I wish I had that photo.  I wanted to know more about their lives, but they weren't so willing to share.  Instead my grandma would give me little things, like miniatures for my dolls or this pink shell necklace that I still wear sometimes.  I always wished we lived closer, I always wished that I could just pop over to their place and we could feed the ducks together and Grandpa would teach me to play pinochle and watch the Trailblazers and maybe then they would tell me stories.  

So it was always really important to me to have something tangible from my grandparents' lives.  I have to go back to the Oregon coast every year, just to be there, even though it's changing so fast.  I was so angry and hurt after they were gone and everyone was divvying up their belongings and I was passed over because I was just a kid.  All of my sisters had a set of dishes from them (I think 1 even has 2 sets), and my dad's sisters were so pushy with all of the crap that they just had to have and I didn't get anything but a couple teacups.  It was as if because I hadn't known them as long as everyone else had, it didn't matter.  It's hard being the youngest sometimes.  

But then I remembered something.  I have my blessing dress.  And my grandmother made it for me.  As she sat in her brown velvet recliner and crocheted that dress, she thought about me.  And I think that for every stitch that she thought about me, she thought about everyone else who might get to wear this dress.  And that means more than a teacup or even a picture.